I heard we made out
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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