it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
