apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Pooping to opera.
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