ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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