No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
