they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
my poor anus
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
