You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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