I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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