My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
