College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
