Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize