my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
