I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
