If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
