hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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