After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
