Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
