Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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