So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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