i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
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