you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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