That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
