he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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