I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
