Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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