cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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