I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
