Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
