The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
