I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
