I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize