I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
