I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
