p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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