I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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