What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
