I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Can I color on your dick again?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
