Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This is my gift to your gina
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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