garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
