I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
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How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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