Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
