worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
