my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think my vagina is haunted
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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