I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
