So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
