My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
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There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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