He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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