Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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