whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
