babies were throwing up all over the place
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
