Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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