I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
