shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
