I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
