Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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