At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
