i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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