No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
