Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
