Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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