Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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