I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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