we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
