life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
