it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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