I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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