Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
