my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
