Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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