i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
