i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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