I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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