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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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