she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
