I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
