he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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