True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
