watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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