I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
