I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
