my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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