someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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