He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My dick has a subreddit
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
