i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
