Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
