I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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