This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
