God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
