Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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