i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
