btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
