omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I love having hate sex.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
