We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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